she woke up with a sticky ear
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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