i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
