Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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