You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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