i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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