I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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