when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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