I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
