Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
