There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
