So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
