Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
