i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
