I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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