I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
