it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
