White coat. Heels.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
