Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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