only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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