I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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