Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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