He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
