It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
