Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
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i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
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Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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