I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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