this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
