i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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