i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
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Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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