While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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