i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick very happy bro
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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