Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
