apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you didnt know i had herpes?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I enjoy the company of your penis
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
