I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
