I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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