Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
