Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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