im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
