My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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