i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
