He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
