If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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