by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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