your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
