I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
