Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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