All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I've blown a few things in my day
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
