You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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