So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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