Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
