U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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