dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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