Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
