hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
