with your own penis?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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