there's paper in my vomit.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
