i barfeds in our rink
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
