hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
