The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She announced her abortion via fbk
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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