Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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