He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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