I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
