The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
