Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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