basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
