I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
