well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
