can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
