tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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