He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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