I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It's just like the Real World with babies
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
