I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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